i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
