there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i think i just lost a toe
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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