Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize