period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
