Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
