If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize