It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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