My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
