found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
