If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
