I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
