can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
