can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
