omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
