this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
