hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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