Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
