I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
