You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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