you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize