hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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