A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
