Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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