quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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