I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone says I win the strip club
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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