i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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