I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How external is "for external use only"?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
