i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
