the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
