it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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