Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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