why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
