Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
