I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
