Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize