clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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