WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
