for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
