I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
