bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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