I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
