You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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