matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
