Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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