By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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