yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your cock deserves a montage
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
