Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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