6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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