i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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