She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
