I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
