i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
