sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
