FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
