i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Houston, we have a squirter
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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