can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
