and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
