shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
