He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just threw up on my dentist
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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