as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
