just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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