How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Semen is not good for contacts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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