I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
