I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
