went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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