I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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