I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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