Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
