Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
