I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
