he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
3 2 1 whiskey
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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