I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
