doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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