just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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