Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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